You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
