My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
