I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
