I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
