all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
