Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
