I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
this will be a night to untag.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
