I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
