plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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