Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
