Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize