; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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