I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
