i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
