apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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