There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
