He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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