Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
