saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
