im six kinds of drunk right now
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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