I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
