That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
