I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
