At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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