my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
barbara walters just said penis...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
