I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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