Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
