We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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