What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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