She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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