Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
