not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
