Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
