I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
