is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
