You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
don't judge my taste in strippers
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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