A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
