I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
