U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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