five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
it hurts more in the daytime
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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