Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Randomize
