My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
