and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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