ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
