All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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