Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Still dying that you shit outside
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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