its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Randomize
