OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
