she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I smell like Dick and happiness
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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