He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
handjob tips. give me some.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
