she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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